Okay I'm back now. I cremated mom yesterday. It was a small group of family members. Done just the way she wanted. Looking at her in that box was agony. She no longer looked like Mom. The cancer had eaten at her leaving just a alien creature in her place. The arms were just bones. The face shrunken. Skin taut. Eyes receded. Her frail body just a rib cage. Doesn't make sense for her to be taken in this manner. I'm picking up her ashes in a few days. I followed the funeral wagon all way from Girardot to Bogota. The wake was held at the place on the calle 100 for a couple hours for family to see her. We opened up her coffin and held and kissed her for the last time. Then I followed her to Calle 180 in the north at gardens of peace where I picked up her coffin and loaded it onto the belt and watched as the metallic door slid shut. That's it. It's over. A big hole inside me, I can't fill. I got pissed last night at the abuela's apartment. Was between tears one minute and laughter the next like a manic depressive, remembering with the family her last trip to China and the foils and fables. Went through two bottles of Johnny Walker Red. I never get hangovers, but mom not being here has me in a stun with my ears ringing. The family is holding a regular church formal session for her next week for all her friends and people who want to hear the Jesus crap. But she didn't want any of that while her body was still here. She wanted a quick cremation. No speeches. No mass. No friends and people she didn't even know peeking into her coffin out of curiosity and taking pity. Thanks for your nice email. That's all I needed. Some comforting words. I'd seen the Neil Diamond torrent on there before I left and wondered if you'd download it. I knew of course these were the wedding songs and the tunes are etched in my mind, as you played them countless times in the car when I was little. I got to pick up the pieces now. Leticia wanted me to come back to Melgar with her. But looks like I need to stay and help these guys with their juke problems. The 1800 isn't working either. Guy got it yesterday. Let me know if you're there, we'll try downloading these vids so my tech can get a look. Talk later. Mom's work mates want to do the Church thing today at 4. So I will assist. They are expecting me to do some eulogy. elton